


Macchiato Effect

by Hellahoth



Category: Mass Effect (Comics), Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 06:45:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15880695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hellahoth/pseuds/Hellahoth
Summary: AU where Jane Shepard works at a coffee shop on the Citadel, Kaidan and Ashley are her ever-bickering coworkers, Anderson is her AWOL boss, Jack is an ill-tempered cashier, and Liara and Tali are baristas in training. Shenanigans ensues. While at work, Shepard the shift-lead has to deal with all types of customers, has to negotiate coworker drama, and find time to flirt with her favorite regular and resident crush.





	Macchiato Effect

**Author's Note:**

> So, disclaimer, I HOPE that the jokes translate, even for people who don't work in a cafe. I work at THE coffee store that everyone knows, siren-witch-store-that-shall-not-be-named and most of the customer/cashier interactions are ones that I've personally had to deal with. Jack is my inner voice, basically, what I wish I could say and do at work. I really hope nobody from my store ever finds this fic, that would be a bit horrific. Specifically, THE CUSTOMER(may she have a terrible day), that Miranda is based after. Also, yes I am aware that the way Shepard is training Tali and Liara is not really how training goes, but I need those two cuties on bar already!

Shepard splashed water on her face, trying to wash away the hangover still present from a few too many ryncol shots at the club the night before. Predictably, she’d managed to pick the worst day in the world to come into the café feeling like crap. Nihlus, the only other shift lead and trainer on staff, had quit answering calls, and there were two brand new trainees due in today. Shepard took a moment to glance at their applications, which still lay out on Anderson’s desk.

Shepard plopped down into the cushy chair and settled in to read up on the two newbies, while she listened to Kadian and Ashley bicker outside over who’s turn it was to mop behind bar. The desk was meant for the store manager, Anderson, but she had only ever seen him in person a few times. He seemed to be chronically missing or at some corporate team building bullshit get away. Not that Shep minded, having free reign of the store suited her just fine, but having to do all of the accompanying paperwork was definitely a downside.

She skimmed the applications while nursing an iced black coffee to assuage her headache, one quarrian engineering students and one asari archeologist that was out of work at the moment. The quarian’s application read as hurried, as if she filled it out on a rocky sky car trip. Shep squinted at a strange brown-green stain at the top left corner, wondering what it was.

“Shep!!” Ashley shouted her voice carrying from the bar, causing Shepards head to pound in retaliation and her to loose focus on the applications.

“What, Ash?” Shepard hollered from back of bar, tossing the holopad applications aside and pushing Anderson’s chair back.

“Kaidan said he mopped back of house last opening shift but I-”

“Then it’s your turn Ash. Get to it.” Shepard sighed. She heard Kaidan gloat so she added. “Kaidan, while she does that, you do a bathroom check!”

She loved Ashley and Kaidan both, but they fought like siblings who had been separated at birth and were making up for years apart. Kaidan was a kind, sensitive barista who actually meant it when he said ‘Have a great day!’ Ashley, on the other hand was an English student who missed her calling as a lawyer. She loved to debate, and picked almost every hill to die on, while Shepard admittedly found her stubbornness admirable, Ashley came close to blows with customers more than a few times. Kaidan was alright, but his biotics were strong and whenever he got flustered, which was often, they flare up and something gets damaged.

Shepard spun listlessly in Anderson’s chair until after making a full 360 degree turn she was met with the smiling, freckled blue face of an asari who was entirely to close.

“Jesus!” Shepard exclaimed scrambling to get up out of her chair, nearly falling over herself in the process. She stood, straightening her nametag as the asari just smiled at her pleasantly. After a brief and uncomfortable silence Shepard ventured.

“Who are you, exactly?”

The asari looked a little flustered and her smile quickly turned sheepish as her ears and cheeks tinged a royal blue.

“I’m Liara T’Soni, I’m new and I’m supposed to be trained today. Rather, one Jane Shepard is supposed to train me, according to the message I received to my omnitool la-”

“Right… I’m Shepard.” Shepard interrupted as Liara was pulling upper omnitool to scour her emails for proof. Shepard glanced at the clock-in terminal next to desk and couldn’t believe her eyes. “And you’re 45 minutes early, Liara. You weren’t supposed to be here until we opened, at seven.”

Liara looked bashful and shrugged offering up her best excuse. “I didn’t want to be late on my first day.”

Inwardly, Shepard was groaning, this asari seemed like a try-hard which wasn’t bad per se, just not the type of student ideal for a hungover teacher. Pinching the bridge of her nose, Shepard flashed her best smile at the awkward asari.

“Well, you can’t clock in yet, but do you want anything to drink before your first day, it’s on the house.”

Liara’s eyes darted down and she blushed again, Shepard couldn’t figure out what she had said to upset her. Wringing her hands nervously, Liara leaned in close to Shepard and said in a hushed voice.

“Contrary to what I may have alluded to in my holo-application, I have not had any of these beverages before. I wouldn’t even know where to begin. If you feel that I am unqualified for the posi-”

“It’s no biggie Liara, one of our employees is a VI, she can’t even drink coffee, we can teach you about how drinks taste and all of that.”

Shepard thought on it a minute. “You look like you might enjoy a chai tea latte, c’mon behind bar and meet the rest of the team, if you want while I make your drink.”

After making their way out to the bar, Shepard steamed the milk for the latte and steeped the tea while making introductions. Liara and Ashley went back and forth a little on politics before Kaidan cut in to ask Liara about her field of study. Listening to the young asari drone on about Protheans, though a little dull, was endearing. She seemed to be very passionate about her field of study. Handing Liara the chai latte, Shepard shooed her off bar and towards the breakfast bar up against the bay window.

She then set to work helping Kaidan and Ashley finishing some of the opening tasks they still had left, and when that was finished, Shep glanced at her omnitool for the time. They had five minutes left until opening, so Shepard let Liara know where to clock in and waited in the back of house for the other trainee to arrive. She queued up that training files on her omnitool and bumped wrists with Liara to transfer them.

She waited a few minutes for the other trainee to arrive, and when she didn’t Shepard began launching into the training with Liara. Jack arrived, a little late as was common for her, and smirked over Liara’s head at Shepard, who scowled right back. The shaved head, foul-mouthed cashier always seemed to bounce back from their nights out much better. Last night, Shepard had made the mistake of going shot for shot with her, and the only loser was her liver.

“So, how many shots of espresso go into small latte?”

“Well is it hot or iced?” Liara stammered, struggling to remember, her ears burning.

“I’ll give you a hint, it’s the same for hot and iced.”

“Is it o-?”

The swinging door dividing the back of house and front of house swung open and violently slammed against the wall. A short, curvy purple-suited came bursting through, huffing and puffing behind her enviro-suit.

“Sorry I’m late, Tali’zorah nar Rayya reporting for duty. Sir!” The quarrian straightened her back and all but snapped a salute in Shepard’s direction. Shepard jerked her thumb over at the clock-in terminal while bumping wrists with Tali to send her the barista manual.

“Get clocked in and grab an apron. You’re a little behind so you’ll watch Liara make drinks while I catch you up.” Shepard said sternly, while she was rebuking the quarrian, Tali seemed to visibly relax at not being fired or yelled at. Liara meanwhile, looked distressed at the though of being put onto bar so early.

“But, Shepard, I-”

“No buts, Liara, experience is the best teacher, and you need practice. Besides, at this time in the morning, bar is slow. No need to worry.”

Fifteen minutes later, however, bar was indeed not slow AND Shepard had put her trainees, in Kaidan’s care, to work on bar while she manned the second register next to Jack. While Shepard frantically scribbled down a volus’ name and order onto his cup, she saw in her periphery who was up next. Miranda Lawson. Arguably the most difficult, perfectionist customer that the cafe ever saw, and Jack’s sworn enemy.

Shepard could practically see the blood thirst in Jack’s eyes as she spotted Miranda, so with a flourish Shepard rang up the volus and sent him packing. Taking a deep breath, Shepard all but screeched.

“I can help the next guest!” And Miranda glided forward, peering over the rims of her enormous sunglasses. Shepard could feel Jack seething at her spoiled opportunity to verbally accost her least favorite customer, but Shepard hardly cared.

“Such expedient service today, perhaps you’ll get a tip,” Lawson drawled with an arrogant smirk. “I would like a large, extra hot flat white with the Italian select espresso beans, but instead of whole milk, coconut milk steamed to exactly 195 degrees. Also, if I take the lid off and I don’t see a flat white mark, you’re remaking it, got all of that?”

Shepard nodded, and finished the cup with a flourish as she rang up Lawson. “Extra hot large flat white with coconut milk, select espresso and a latte art dot?”

“Steamed to 195 degrees,” Miranda chided. “Guess there’s no tip for you after all.”

“I hope you burn your fuckin fa-” Jack started before Shepard shouted over her with her most convincing customer service exuberance.

“Have a wonderful day!!” Miranda either didn’t hear or didn’t care about what Jack had to say, as she wandered off to sit on a small, lifted table, and began to read on her omnitool. Shepard rounded on Jack after the rush was over with a sour look.

“Really, Jack? It’s a wonder you’re still employed here.”

“Kiss my ass. Shepard.” Was all Jack had in her defense. Before Shepard could come up with a good retort, she heard a shriek and turned fast enough to see a few empty cups go flying. Tali had turned on the steam wand without a milk pitcher and sent half of the drinks in waiting flying across the floor behind bar. With a groan, Shepard hurried over to do damage control.

After acclimating the two new girls to the machinery, and making Tali rewrite all of the cups, Shepard sat down at an empty table in the café lobby across from the trainees with an array of coffees, teas, and various other drinks between them.

“Now’s time for the taste test. Part of your training requires you to try a variety of our popular drinks, so you can become adept at recommending them to customers and answering questions anyone might have about a particular drink or coffee roast.” Shepard slid a sample cup of the house roast over to Liara and Tali.

“This is our most popular roast of brewed coffee, it’s called Pyjak’s Place.” Shepard waited in anticipation for each trainee to take a sip. Liara knocked it back and swallowed with a grimace, Tali however had significantly less composure and through her straw, she made a sputtering noise and little flecks of coffee smattered the inside of her envirosuit mask.

“What was that Shepard?!” Tali demanded angrily through her coughing.

“Inexplicably, that’s our house roast, as I said, the most popular of our brewed coffees,” Shepard shook her head with a small smile. “I find it has an overwhelming aroma of a massive toxic eezo spill with hints of Palaveni solar radiation.”

“Even a triple filtered emergency induction port couldn’t filter out that disgusting flavor!” Tali exclaimed, having recovered from her coughing fit. “Honestly, Shepard, are you sure that not a volus suit liquid sewage canister?”

Shepard just snickered and turned to Liara, “What did you think of that, then?”

Liara, looking as apprehensive as ever, pondered her answer before finally saying, “You can really taste the notes of the gas they used to roast the beans?” Shepard laughed again.

“Well, the good news? It’s all up from here, in terms of flavor.” She said as she slide the next drink across the table at the trainees. Twenty drinks and about an hour later, Tali’s leg was bouncing off the floor and the small quarrian looked positively wired. Liara looked alert, but Shepard was pretty certain she had come into work that way. A little timer beeped on Shepard’s omnitool, they were more than halfway through the six hour shift.

“Alright guys, you’ve been doing great so far, it’s time for our lunch break. We’ll be taking it together. You can get whatever food/drink you want from bar.” Shepard shot a meaningful look at the twitchy quarrian. “For your sake though, I recommend getting something un-caffeinated.”

Sitting across from her trainees, aprons off, Shepard had to admit that she was really enjoying hanging around with them. Tali seemed like a fun party girl, but she was wicked smart about technology and engineering. While Liara was shy, and quiet, she did actually have a bit of a wicked streak in her humor.

“So, back on the Flotilla, there was this one time where my friend Reegar and I snuck out after hours in order score this horosk our friend kept bragging about. As it happens, Reegar is a bit of a wimp so he makes me go first and-”

Shepard’s wrist beeped at them insistently, and shooting Tali an apologetic look, she got up to answer the omni-call from Anderson.

“Morning boss, I thought you were supposed to be in today?” Shepard let the accusatory tone seep into her voice. She couldn’t see her boss’ face, but she hoped he at least had the decency to look sheepish. Completely ignoring her dig, Anderson got on with the call.

“I just wanted to let you know, the delivery guy is supposed to be by today. He makes his deliveries in an exo-mech, so when he shows up, don’t worry. The café isn’t under attack.”

“Thanks,” Shepard drawled dryly. “So are you coming down to help stock and do inventory then?” She asked letting the sarcasm drip heavily into her question. There was a brief pause, as if Anderson was trying to figure out what she had just asked.

“Are you trying to be funny, Shepard? I’m in the middle of a corporate-” And with that, Shepard unceremoniously hung up the call. Her break was over anyways, squandered on a call that should have just been an omni-message. She headed back out and passed EDI, the strange little VI mech who worked register, on her way to clock in. She flashed EDI  a friendly smile, and then met up to touch base with her two trainees.

She headed onto bar, with the trainees in tow and sequestered the two them to observing Kaidan and Ashley working on bar, while she made her way over to register, where Jack leaned up against the high counter with a pouty look on her face. Checking the terminal, Shepard saw it was almost eleven, which was the same time every day when her favorite customer came in.

Sidling up to Jack she said, “Hey there, it’s time for your break.” Jack flashed her an evil smile.

“You mean time for you to shoo me away while you try and fail to flirt with that turian?” Shepard gave her a dirty look, just as the C-Sec officer came in, having to duck to fit through the door way inteneded for humans.

“Beat it Jack before I kick your ass!” Shepard hissed out, before Jack sauntered away with a positively shit eating grin on her face as she stepped off bar and disappeared into the back of house. Snatching a medium sized cup, Shepard began neatly scrawling her regular’s order on the cup. Medium hot americano with some dextro sweetener. Taking a deep breath, Shepard scrawled his name and then her number with a note ‘call me sometime :)’ Just as she finished, Garrus Vakarian reached the counter.

“Hey Garrus, how’s it going?” Shepard asked, trying to keep it casual, she leaned up against the pastry case, but her arm slipped and she barely refrained from smacking her head on the cash drawer. Garrus was too busy squinting at the menu however to notice her slip up.

“Oh I’m alright Shepard. Hanging myself in red tape and being buried under mounds of paper work at the office. What about yourself?” His subvocals thrummed, and Shepard had to stop herself from just standing there to listen to the sound.

“Hah, same! Well not really, I don’t have red tape, but there is paper work.” Shepard said lamely, trying to salvage the situation she grabbed the pre-written cup, pretending to be waiting for him to order. “So will it be your usual today?” Her voice was as kind and peppy as she could force it to be.

“Erm, no, I want to branch out. Getting the same thing is a little too repetitive, even for me,” Garrus said absent-mindedly, still scanning the menu. Shepard hastily crumpled up the cup and flung it into the garbage can, apparently a little too hard, as the noise made Garrus look down.

“Something wrong with the cup?”

“Uh yeah, I saw a typo on it.” Shepard said lamely, smacking herself for not coming up with a better excuse. “So uh, what new drink are we trying today? A latte maybe?”

“How about… an americano, same as always?” Garrus began thoughtfully, Shepard could barely contain her scream of frustration. “But this time, can I get it iced?” He asked, emphasizing the iced, as if he was very proud of the small change.

“Sure thing, Garrus, on medium iced americano with dextro sweetener,” Shepard repeated, writing up the cup. She glanced up to flash her turian regular a genuine smile as she rang him up. She slid the cup over to Ashley, who gave her a very half-hearted thumbs up.

“Have a good day, Shepard,” Garrus said kindly, subtly tapping his omitool against the tipping interface. Shepards omnitool jingled at the credit transfer.

“Thanks Garrus, enjoy your new drink!” Shepard chirped out after him.

“Thanks, you too.” Garrus replied, realizing his mistake, his mandibles flared a little and her hurried to wait by the hand-off counter for his drink in silent mortification. Shepard watched him dreamily, until Kaidan came up behind her with the crumpled cup in his hand.

“Do you need me to re-write this cup or…?”

**Author's Note:**

> This has honestly been both cathartic and amusing for me to write. I haven't written anything that wasn't a lab report since I was 11 so, please be kind and constructive if this is bad. I want to keep writing and keep improving. If you notice any grammar errors or typos or anything like that feel free to let me know!! Alternatively, if you have any criticism to offer, I welcome it!
> 
> ohh p.s. EDI is NOT a VI in this AU, that comes up later, she lied on her application, because tbh, everybody lies on job apps


End file.
